lady sings the blues.

today was one of those days that makes you wonder if it's all worth it. you're being pulled in a thousand directions, trying to be the best employee, daughter, sister, role model, friend you can possibly be, and then it hits: you're burnt the fuck out. so many times today i wanted to find a corner, curl up in a ball, and cry. or sleep. or both, simultaneously. i'm tired of feeling like i'm not getting anywhere in life, like it's always one step forward, two steps back. i'm tired of busting my ass at work and not seeing any results. i'm tired of being surrounded by so-called adults who behave like they're still in high school. i'm tired of not knowing where to go or what to do. for once it would be nice to just know. for once it would be nice to hear "you're enough."

i'm sure there are people thinking wahh wahh wahh, life isn't supposed to be easy; and i totally get that. i get that i should be grateful for the life that i have and that things could always be worse, because at times they have been. but today...i'm upset. i'm hurt, and i'm frustrated, and i feel defeated. do i sound like a baby right now? probably. do i care that i sound like a baby right now? not so much.

so you're stuck in traffic, and all you can think about is manhandling a bottle of tylenol pm and sleeping until things start to feel better. it's a comforting thought; you just want to turn off your brain and just be. no words, no questions, no thoughts. just sleep. but then you get home, and there's someone who missed you all day and is actually happy to see you. they happen to have whiskers, and four legs and fur and sometimes they poop on the carpet, but they love you no matter what, and think that you walking through the door at that very moment is the best thing to ever happen to them. and then you realize that no, you can't take too many pills tonight, because that beast has to eat tomorrow. so shout-out to carrie, who reminds me that i have something to wake up for in the morning. even when i wish that morning was farther away.

mood music: melody gardot - worrisome heart